Love song requiem
by NightlyEvilTM
Summary: One shot, set in 6x19. When Julian asks Brooke to go to LA with him, she is lost and doesn't know what to do. So she calls the one person who can give her the answers she's been needing for years.


_**Love song requiem**_

_Here I stand alone_

_With this weight upon my heart_

_And it will not go away_

"Thank you for coming."

"Of course I would come. What's going on? Are you ok?"

She sighed. It was a difficult question to answer.

"I really don't know."

"Hey, what happened?"

She looked at him, his eyes were kind and caring. After taking a deep breathe, she spoke again.

"Basically, Julian told me he loved me and I didn't say it back. Then, the movie got cancelled and he had to leave. But he asked me and Sam to go to LA with him. Tonight."

"Oh."

_The future's open wide_

_Beyond believing_

Really? Was that all he could say?

"Are you gonna go?"

_It's time to make up my mind_

_And I can't really tell you what I'm gonna do_

_There are so many thoughts in my head_

_There are two roads to walk down_

_And only one road to choose_

She looked at his eyes and saw that he was a bit taken by surprise, but she also saw something she didn't expect to see: sorrow, deep and true.

"I don't know. I have to decide and I just can't. That's why I called you. I needed some answers only you can give me. Because for so many years, I couldn't figure it out and that's why I never opened up my heart to anyone. But this time, I have to know. I need to know. I deserve to know."

_So I'm thinking over the things the things that you've said_

_I'm thinking over the things_

He slowly nodded and she got all her courage to speak again.

"Lucas, I know you can't control who you love, and I know that Peyton is your destiny and I'm so happy for you guys, really. But I need to know what did I do wrong, what did I miss, why wasn't I good enough, why you never loved me?"

_Tell me the truth_

_Did you ever love me_

He looked in her eyes, not believing what she just said. They stood like that, silent for a while, and then he spoke again.

"Brooke, you still don't understand, do you?"

_Не очаквай да мисля, че в това има смисъл_

_Много казани думи и тези __'__Обичам те__'_

_(Don't expect me to believe that this has any sense_

_Many words spoken and theses 'I love you' )_

"What do you mean I don't understand? _'The realization that we have always been meant for each other and every instinct to the contrary has simply been a denial of the following truth: I was now and I would always be in love with Peyton Sawyer'_. Everyone who was not Peyton was just a denial of your love for her. It seems pretty clear to me."

"It wasn't like that and you know it, Brooke. Lindsey and the others, they wanted to focus so much on my relationship with Peyton. They cut out so many things, changed others and added thirds from themselves. I've never said that being with you was just a denial of my feelings for Peyton."

"It seemed so to everyone. To me, to Nathan and Haley, to Peyton. That I was just a footnote in your love story, the _easy_ rebound until you could have your angel."

It was painful to go back there, but she had to do it. she had to if she wanted to be happy ever again.

_And I think you should know this_

_You deserve much better than me_

"Brooke… It was not like that. It has never been like that. You were never just a footnote, you were never just a rebound. We had our own story. And it was so beautiful and amazing. But it was just not a fairytale. And it's not because you were not good enough or something like that. How could you even think that?"

"How could I not, Luke? No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, I have always been nothing compared to Peyton. Don't get me wrong, I love her with my whole heart, but… All those years, I felt… God, I don't know how to explain it! Like I was second quality and you were with me when you couldn't have Peyton. And now, I feel the same way. We both know he came here mostly for her."

"Brooke, you were never just a rebound. You were never not good enough. Haven't you understood all this time that I loved you, that I was insanely in love with you, even thou I knew you deserved better than I could give you?"

"No. You didn't love me. You weren't in love with me. You…"

"Yes, I was, Brooke. God, when you broke up with me, I was ready to turn the world upside down if that would make you come back to me. I wasn't myself, I felt so lost and broken. I loved you with my whole heart. You were my Pretty Girl."

The use of the old nickname made Brooke tremble. She hasn't heard it in years and now, it was like electricity ran through her whole body.

_Remember the times that we had_

"You remember?"

"Of course I remember. You were my Pretty Girl, my Cheery. And I was your Broody, your Boyfriend. I remember everything, Brooke. The little talks about everything and nothing, the fights, the kisses, the way we made love, I still have every letter you wrote to me. All the 82. I can never forget."

Her eyes filled with tears. She remembered those 82 letters. She remembered writing each one of them. She remembered giving them to Lucas. She remembered each one of his letters. She still had them. All of them. She looked at him. His expression was unreadable, but one thing Brooke could say for sure: Lucas smiled a little when he mentioned the letters and it was _the_ smile, the one that she has not seen him wear for Lindsey or for Peyton, for anyone but her.

_And still this question keeps spinning in my mind_

_What if… _

_But I guess we'll never know_

"And the truth is there is still a peace of my heart that is completely yours, a place where no one else could ever get into. And that part of my heart keeps wondering what could have been and I think it will never stop"

She looked him in his eyes and couldn't believe what she just heard.

"Peyton…"

"I'm happy now, Brooke. Peyton, I love her so much, I can't breathe without her. She completes me and being with her is like a dream come true. But back then, it was you who I pictured my future with. Damn it, Rachel stood naked in front of me and I continued saying you were the one and when she asked me to do this blind-shot to prove that you are my destiny, I knew it would go in. And it did."

Brooke didn't know what Lucas was talking about: naked Rachel, blind-shot, destiny?

"What are you talking about?"

"The night you were on a date with Chris Keller, I was on a date with Rachel. She tried to seduce me with everything she could, but I didn't care, because I loved you. I told her you were the one for me and then she asked me to make a blind shot and said that if it went in, I was right and you were the one, you were my destiny. And when I stood there, I knew I couldn't miss, because you and me, we were meant to be. And it really went in. And I know it was not just a coincidence. Maybe not in this life, but I know that somewhere, in another life, we are meant to be."

_And I don't know, maybe we'll be together again_

_Sometime, in another life_

She was now crying. All this things he said, the way he said them…

_We gave a lot_

_But it wasn't enough_

_We got so tired_

_That we just gave up_

"I loved you so much, Brooke. But we both made mistakes and we were too stubborn to admit them, we were both too proud to say we were sorry and we were wrong. And we lost our way. And when this happened, Peyton was there, and she helped me to get through it. And somewhere along the way I fell in love with her and when I realized it happened, I knew we are meant to be. Why? Because if she could heal my broken into million peaces heart after you left me, then we could get through everything. That's the story, Brooke. The real one. The way it was in my heart. Not the way it seemed or the way it was published, but just the simple truth.."

It was nothing like what she expected to hear when she called him. But somehow, it made her feel so vulnerable and so strong in the same time. But she had to be sure, absolutely sure.

"I… Lucas, please, swear that you are not saying this just to make me feel better. Swear to me that every word of what you just said was truth."

_I wish the best for you_

_I wish the best_

"I swear, Brooke, because it was. You were an amazing girl back then, Brooke Davis, and you are even a more incredible woman now. And about Julian. I won't lie to you. You know he is not my favorite guy and I don't think he deserves you. I don't think anyone deserve you. And I don't want you to leave. Hell, I can't imagine life here without you. But if he treats you well, if he understands you, if he's good with Sam, if he's ready to fight for you with his life, if he makes you laugh, if you love him or could love him someday, if you think he can be the man I never managed to be: the man you deserve, if he makes you happy, then go. Follow your heart. Let yourself be happy. You deserve it, Brooke. He loves you, he really does. It's obvious for everybody. So now, all the answers you need are in your heart."

Brooke looked at him for a few more seconds and then she hugged him. She rested her head on his chest, he kissed the top of her head. They stayed like that for a while, then they pulled away. They looked in each other's eyes and both smiled.

"Thank you… Broody."

"Anything for you, Pretty Girl."

The looked at each other again and then he left. She smiled. She was finally able to move on.

_After all that we've been through_

_I know we are cool…_

_Far from where we were_

_I know we're cool_

*-*-*

**Title based on a song by Trading Yesterday.**

**Songs used (in order they appear):**

"What if" by Kate Winslet

"Shattered" by Trading Yesterday

"Thinking over" by Dana Glover

"Confessions of a broken heart" by Lindsey Lohan

"Не сега" ("Not now") by КариZма (this is a Bulgarian song, if someone wants to hear it, just write to me, it's really amazing)

"Better than me" by Hinder

"I will remember you" by Sarah McLachlan

"What if" by Kate Winslet

"In another life" by The Veronicas

"In God's hands" by Nelly Furtado

"I wish the best for you" by Emerson Hart

"Cool" by Gwen Stefani

**Hope you like it!**

**Enjoy&review!**


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